In partnership with Katarzyna Środek.
They say that a relationship is one big compromise. Being madly in love is one thing, but making things work with a partner from a different background and with a whole set of emotional baggage requires a lot of work.
And while reaching a common ground regarding certain issues is necessary to have the happy-ever-after, there are a few unhealthy compromises in a relationship you should never make.
It is natural to be willing to compromise on some aspects, like how you spend your free time, or if you want to introduce toys to your bedroom activities (dildos and sex dolls are perfect for experimenting). However, you should avoid losing yourself and allowing your partner to break boundaries that create your selfhood’s core.
A need to satisfy your partner should never overpower your right to achieve your dreams, get a rewarding “me time,” validation, or stay connected with the people closest to you. Below, you’ll find four examples of unhealthy compromises you should never make for your partner, no matter what.
1. Boundaries
Boundaries and having a capable partner that assures you that they will respect them is the very foundation of every relationship. It is crucial to set and keep establishing them at every stage of a relationship. You should clearly communicate to your partner what you like and what is totally off-limits (especially in sex).
If you don’t make your boundaries clear from the very beginning, it can lead to a lot of misunderstandings and broken trust. It is important to remember that each partner is different, so what seems unacceptable and on the line to you might be something entirely natural for them.
Plus, by speaking up about your limits, you create a win-win situation for both of you. You will have satisfaction from handling the case assertively and not giving up yourself for the sake of anyone. On the other hand, your partner will receive a giant “I trust you with my vulnerabilities” sign that will boost their self-esteem. Believe the experts when they say that showing someone they are worth your trust is the biggest healthy relationship booster.
2. Your Personality
When individuals go out into the world, they put on masks to fit in better or be more appealing. Your relationship, however, should be a safe area in which you can be your true self without a sense of judgment.
Don’t change the way you act or the decisions you make for the sore purpose of making the relationship work. Not only will your true personality come out eventually, but hiding “the real you” will only compromise your confidence and self-worth.
No matter if your personality is outspoken, big and bubbly, or shy and balanced, you deserve to have a partner who appreciates and accepts every aspect of you. If they act like your real personality is less appealing to them than the one you put on for social and work interactions, mark it as a significant red flag.
Just like you accept your partner for who they are, you have the right to a zero-compromises relationship policy regarding your personality.
3. Alone Time
A relationship means a union of two (or more) individuals who love and trust each other, but it doesn’t mean that you magically become one person! Having similar interests, aspirations, and views on life is essential, but spending every second together can do more harm than good.
It is important to give yourself and your partner a little “me time” once in a while. You can read your favorite book, watch a new Netflix series, or catch up with your friends. The key is to take your time and think about your needs and wishes only (even if only for an hour or two).
Spending some time apart can also do marvels for increasing desire in your relationship. After some time, it can be easy to fall into a routine and take each other for granted. Time alone will allow both partners to miss one another and have more exciting matters to discuss when they meet again.
4. Respect
Your partner should always treat you in a respectable way, period. No matter if you’re goofing around or having a heated argument, they have no right to swear at you or speak to you disgracefully. This applies not only to you, but to your friends, family, and strangers.
Don’t make an effort to excuse your partner when they show signs of disrespect towards your loved ones or service workers, like waitresses and waiters. Those situations are a clear sign your significant other has some serious character issues that will worsen if you both don’t address and work through them.
If the person cannot return the respect you give them, it might be a sign that your relationship is compromised. Remember, when your partner speaks ill of you, it doesn’t mean that they are true or right. Avoid internalizing their painful words and feeling hurt.
Instead, remind your partner, that you have higher standards and expectations of how they should treat you. Sometimes a conversation and a benefit of the doubt is all it takes to fix this problem. Don’t wait until you feel resentment and hostility towards your significant other and speak up at the moment you feel like a boundary was crossed.
The Bottom Line
When love is in the air, it is easy to overlook red flags and signs that our partner is not the most fantastic human being out there. That is why it is vital to set clear boundaries and deal-breakers from the very beginning.
It will save you from making compromises that will harm your mental health and self-esteem in the long run. Your relationship should be a safe environment that lets you flourish and feel loved, not build a sense of resentment, and shout at a person you chose to love.
Making healthy compromise decisions is especially important when you and your partner share opposite lives and upbringing. While calling each other banters can be fun and goofy for someone, it may be an off-the-limits and highly triggering situation for others. Appropriate communication and addressing your expectations and limits is probably the best piece of relationship advice ever shared.